Who is right: how to survive the separation, after treason
The most common cause of parting is the infidelity of a loved one. It hurts and causes offense, destroys everything said earlier. In this situation, the fault is entirely transferred to the offender. But is it right?
Who is guilty?
The situation is not as clear as it seems at first glance. After all, nothing happens by itself, each act is a consequence of the previous one. Treason is also a consequence, and a consequence is the actions of both partners. What is my fault? I did not force to change, I gave everything correctly and was true to the last! If you have not done anything wrong, does not mean that you have done something good for the relationship. The position of the victim is the most comfortable of the position, because:
- Man by nature is such that adores self-pity. We love to feel sorry for ourselves and think about how bad things are around us, but we are perfect. This is an ego game.
- Responsibility is shifted to another.The actions of two clearly delineated.
- The victim retains his ego. The instinct of self-preservation is inherent not only in protection against physical danger, but also from psychological. The subconscious mind does not want to suffer, does not want to recognize imperfection.
- No need to solve anything. He offended, he let him decide how to fix it. For the time being, I will regret myself and complain about how ungrateful he is.
Convenient, isn't it? .. But if you leave the comfort zone, and move the crown a little on your own ego's head, you will notice your own misdeeds. “Is it my fault ?!”, you will say. Partly, yes. Of course, everyone acts as he sees fit. If the partner has decided that the way out is to cross out everything said and done before, then this is his conscious act and choice. And if you do not want to forgive and understand - this is also your act and choice. In this case, parting is inevitable and even necessary. But the question is - how to avoid a repetition of the situation?
Picky analysis of yourself
At the time of parting in each anger and resentment boils, and I do not want to understand anything. But when emotions subside, it is worth assessing the situation realistically. Not to justify the offender, but to prevent similar things in the future.
It is worth drawing conclusions from the current situations, as they will make life easier. Therefore, analyze:
- Have you always listened and heard your partner;
- Have you tried to solve problems in a relationship;
- Have you talked about sex life;
- What was your partner’s behavior lately, and what changes did you see, but did not want to notice stubbornly.
Ignoring a problem is also an action. And most importantly, did you notice similar inclinations with your partner before the start of the relationship? If so, you should also analyze your own injuries. After all, you could consciously go on such a relationship.
Codependency: how to get rid
How to get rid of stress
On the example of stars: how to choose red lipstick and not blunder
How to sell jewelry
Rassolnik with pearl barley - a recipe for winter, in a slow cooker, with pickled cucumbers
Full rules of interactive services (comments and forum) site Woman’s Day
What books can be read
How to get to the Botkin Hospital