Motives for marriage in men and women
People meet, converge, marry. Family life becomes a new stage in a person's life, even if it comes for the seventh time. Young girls and boys, who only five years ago kept saying: “they didn’t walk a lot” - now they have got married. Why do people get married? The reasons are many. Let's try to understand the most relevant for today.
According to statistics in Russia and the CIS countries, the majority of happy marriages are built on love and spiritual unity. But not every couple manages to retain feelings after long years of living together. Studies show that love wasting is observed in 46% of such alliances. In other cases, the main role is played by affection, habit, general household, children. The anchor of past feelings plays an important role in maintaining connections in couples who have lived together for more than 10 years. This pattern is not typical of Western European countries, where, according to statistics, 40% of love marriages fall apart.
Nowadays, many people confuse love and love, which becomes a fatal mistake.What is the difference between these two concepts and how they affect the marriage?
Lovea short-term state of attraction, a trick of nature. Intoxicating feelings are born under the influence of hormones. They reduce the ability to think logically and critically perceive the elect. The image of the partner is idealized, the flaws are not taken seriously. Love lasts from a couple of days to two years. During this time, couples manage to get married. But after the honeymoon come the difficulties of living together. Love is declining, and love feelings do not allow to ripen a series of problems piled up. The result - a divorce. Sometimes couples make attempts to rectify the situation, to start over. Unfortunately, this rarely saves the day.
Among couples who hurried to make a marriage during the period of falling in love, there are examples of successful alliances in which a fleeting feeling has developed into a mature and conscious one. 1 out of 10 marriages is saved, thanks to love.
Love- a mature feeling. It comes after falling in love, along with sober thinking. The object of the senses is no longer perceived idealized. A person sees the shortcomings of his partner and accepts them as a fact of the obligatory joint work on relationships.The marriage unions, built on a mature love affair, are distinguished by their reliability and forethought.
The concept of spiritual closeness for each individual. It is revealed in the presence of common interests, unity of views, understanding. The spiritual connection is achieved by searching for a single wave. The presence of feelings does not speak of compatibility. The absence of points of contact prevents the development of a love union at the moment of passing a fleeting passion for a love to a serious feeling. If a couple of common topics are limited to the life and upbringing of children, this indicates dissociation of partners.
With the spouse not only the joint budget and affairs bed are discussed. The presence of various topics for spiritual dialogue indicates the fruitfulness of the union.
Under spiritual intimacy, one can understand the unity of rhythms. Disunity associated with the lack of temperament and character of the partner, means the lack of kinship of souls. It is not surprising that after finding a person who is close in spirituality, people seek to conclude a marriage union. Such compatibility is a great rarity. In most cases, the spouses have to adapt to each other and consciously look for common themes, rhythms, and build understanding.
Solving psychological problems
Marriage is a popular way of dealing with psychological difficulties. For someone, it becomes a valid key that opens the door to a brighter future, and for someone to be deceptive. What kind of psychological problems are solved after entering into a marriage?
Family is one of the spheres in which human abilities are revealed. A young girl who has been studying for a manager and having worked for a couple of years in a company understands that the business sphere is not her calling. Desperate in her abilities, she gets married and discovers something new in herself. She becomes a responsible mother, a loving wife, a diligent mistress and enjoys family life.
A not very successful man also finds rest and peace of mind in his family. He builds a house, plants a tree and raises a son, awakening in his father's love and educational talent.
Search for "second mom" or "dad".
Infantile young people in marriage are looking for a new guardian. Men choose a caring mother who will feed, dress, work, collect, put her to sleep in the evening and solve all the problems, be it an unpaid loan to buy a phone or an evil boss in the office.
Infantile girls are looking in the image of the spouse of the second father (or the first, if childhood has passed with the mother). He is older, smarter, more experienced, able to protect his "girl" from adversity and misfortune, to ensure her comfortable existence and pamper ice cream and new dresses on weekends. Sometimes the “daddy” turns out to be a hidden tyrant, but his actions are perceived by the young person as something that goes without saying. To date, this is a common hidden form of sadomasochistic relationships. In general, the girl, feeling an increased custody of the man, returns to the state of "princess", which she did not have in childhood.
Such unions are very strong, if both spouses are satisfied with the roles they occupy.
The rise of self-esteem.
A worthy couple is the basis for pride, and also an occasion to compete. A wealthy husband or a beautiful wife becomes an excellent way to "make" friends, girlfriends, conceited colleagues and classmates.
Significant reason for men.
A smart woman knows how to work on a man's "I". If the spouse, being small, unpretentious and puny, feels like a real representative of the stronger sex in the company of the wife, then she is skillfully coping with the task.
The desire to be loved.
And only unilaterally. Most often, this desire is typical for girls, but there are also men who are painfully in need of love. The views of such people are quite selfish, because they are not going to give feelings in return. The soul is waiting for someone to squeeze it without reserve. The partner, after leaving the state of fascination, is experiencing obvious discomfort, and the marriage gradually collapses.
Getting rid of loneliness.
A person cannot live alone for a long time. Sacred retreat leads to suffering and a constant feeling of lack, which develops into a need. The needy is not looking for love. He needs a life partner, a guide, with whom it will be convenient to pass the remaining stations of the allotted years. For this reason, married people are desperate, having the experience of failed family relationships, divorce.
The most condemned reason for marriage is the search for material gain. But research has shown that such alliances are the strongest. In Europe, they break up in 5% of cases. And if you recall the story, marriages of convenience were perceived as the only right decision among the representatives of the higher classes. Dynastic and political alliances were not for love.Husband or wife was selected in order to obtain maximum benefits.
To date, the main criterion for the strength of a marriage of convenience is convenience. How many families break up due to financial difficulties, misunderstanding, fading feelings? But in a marriage of convenience, there are no such problems, because comfort becomes the basis of the life of the spouses. What benefits are sought by entering into an alliance based on mercantile aspirations?
Improved financial position.
What girl does not dream of marrying a prince? It is possible and not for the prince, and not for the beautiful, but to keep could! No wonder that today the main criterion for assessing the success of a man is his salary. The bigger, the better. A wealthy husband solves the problem with work. Why work if there is enough money? But all these are dreamy dreams. If the daughter of a drinker is unemployed, pursuing the goal of escaping poverty, will marry a person from a decent middle-class family - this is also a marriage of convenience.
Among men who want to fix the financial situation, too, there will be a lot. In society, they are contemptuously called Alfonso.
Raising the social status or preserving it.
Both men and women are good here. For ladies, raising social status has something in common with financial standing. But for an enterprising man, marriage with a special from an influential family turns out to be a ticket for realizing the business potential. He gets access to the necessary social groups, makes useful contacts, establishes connections.
If a woman and a man are from the same layer, then marriage and joint activities become a tool for maintaining the position, strengthening it, and sometimes improving it.
For example, when capital is merged, spouses can open a family business.
The solution to the housing problem.
To move away from parents, you can find a job and rent an apartment, or you can marry a person who has a living space. Sometimes marriages are for the purpose of obtaining a residence permit or citizenship. Young ladies who dream of living abroad are consciously looking for a husband among foreigners. Men resort to this method much less frequently.
A good housewife in the house - the dream of every self-respecting man. With age, tired of the bachelor life, the representative of the stronger sex begins to look for a woman who will help to organize life and make it comfortable: monitor cleanliness, cook food, wash - maintain comfort in the house.Women are looking for the master of all trades, which will fix the crane, and hang the shelf, and assemble the cabinet.
Physical and biological needs
Do not forget about human nature with its primary needs.
Eternal male aspiration. In this case, "to be" - will not work. A representative of the stronger sex is looking for a woman with whom he will enjoy and will be fully satisfied. With age, a man realizes that he walked up and thinks about a permanent partner. Often the search for a stable sex life turns into a marriage bond. Sex is rarely indicated among the causes of marriage, but its role is easy to track, if you look at the statistics of divorces. The quality of sexual life affects the strength of marriage. When in the intimate life there is a pause, family life is cracking at the seams.
The desire to have a child is a strong incentive for marriage among both sexes. With age, women are awakened by the maternal instinct, and the man manifests a desire for self-realization in the offspring. He wants to pass on to the future son or daughter the knowledge of the world around him, to grow a new person, to leave a part of himself in this world. A woman satisfies the need for care and love.
In the head of every person there is a mass of prejudice. The influence of society and the people around them on marriage ideas destroys destinies and forces them to make rash decisions.
Fear of losing a partner.
Marriage in this case is used as an anchor. Relationships fixed by law are more difficult to break. But the number of divorces inexorably shows that reliance on the longevity of such a union is a rotten affair. Proprietary impulses do not bring happiness in the family, and writing a statement to dissolve a marriage is not such a difficult task. Yes, the process of divorce will take time, but freedom is more expensive. Jealous men also marry to confirm the right to "possess" their spouse. How happy are these unions? Remember the immortal tragedy "Othello".
The desire to keep up with peers.
When the girlfriends promoted marriage and got offspring, the thought involuntarily comes that someone has sat up in the maids.
And here the sad picture under the name "Picky Bride" unfolds. Only now it’s not a matter of choice when the women's council of mother, grandmother, aunt and sister says: “Take it without looking.”
The girl is instilled in fear of being alone, if she does not find her husband soon. So grab the first available.
Marriage is the only “right” form of relationship.
This old myth is gradually becoming obsolete in modern society, but, authoritarian education with the suggestion of the old-Soviet foundations continues to affect young people. On the one hand, ideas about morality do not allow filing for divorce in the event of serious problems arising in the course of family life, on the other hand, such a union can hang a heavy stone around the spouses' neck. But also happy marriages concluded because of following this prejudice are not uncommon.
When the lady of the heart became pregnant, a respectable man has nothing to do but marry her. And even if there are no special feelings in the couple, and the relationship was not particularly serious, this event ties many of the “unprepared” with the bonds of marriage.
So why do people get married? Among such a variety of reasons, goals and desires can not be disassembled. And what's the difference? Joint life can not be planned for the years ahead. Calculating beauties fall in love with rich husbands, and couples absorbed in feelings are frustrated with each other. Whatever the reasons for marriage, the main thing is what it turned out after a year, two, ten years, and how it seems to spouses in the present tense.[/L_REPEAT]
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