Loneliness in marriage: survive or leave?
Moments of loneliness near the partner in depth are similar with happy seconds. Only instead of a heart overflowing with joy, a sharp pain is felt. The first experience plunges into perplexity: what was it, did it feel the same, did it really end? After the break, during the next collision with the “new” reality, one can accept these feelings or convince oneself that everything is within the normal range, because no one is obliged to merge with another. Well, already in the next few days you will definitely feel that there is nothing more sad than loneliness together.
What sensations am I talking about?
Well, suppose you are driving in a car, and the silence between you is not just like a pause, when it's nice to keep silence together, but like an abyss that presses on the throat with its scale. When you share joy or sadness, but suddenly you do not feel any response. When you go to visit friends, but for the whole evening they never touched each other. When you are somewhere in a hurry together, and he is noticeably ahead of you, absolutely not looking back.When you come to rest, but sit with the child by the pool, while he is lying on a deck chair for an hour and does not even think to ask how you are. When you are preparing for the New Year, but he does not care at all what will be for dinner, and he does not take part in any holiday efforts
In general, everything related to marriage causes quite bright associations in people. And as a rule, they are about a union, in the center of which is a deep emotional attachment, sexual and intellectual intimacy. And whenever something goes beyond the permissible, it is perceived as a kind of violation and disorder. On the one hand, a good installation. Maybe too magical, but there is much to strive for. But, on the other hand, this is a deliberately disastrous attitude, because what happens at the beginning of a relationship changes sooner or later with us, experience and other reasons.
If we are talking about such “loneliness”, then everything is not so bad and even logical. In place of romantic love comes mature. Well, you understand what I mean. First, you and your partner do not spill water in all respects: you can’t talk a lot, get a good look, get enough of each other.Further the degree changes - it is very difficult to maintain interest at the same level for many years. Children appear, adult concerns - you technically can not be together all the time. But what exactly is preserved is the main thing - your community, the sense of presence in each other's life, complementarity and a notorious one-sided view. And of course, love. Contrary to another installation, that love passes. It, this installation, is clearly supported by culture, because it is in movies, books - everywhere. So we live in this eternal fear that just about - and love will pass. But she is, and she will not pass until the person himself wants it. We are the generators and creators of love, so it is in our power to feel and transmit it all our lives.
How are the first bells of loneliness in marriage? Take a closer look - they are everywhere. These are always working men - at the slightest discomfort in the family, they usually crawl away like that. A woman cannot withdraw herself - and is immersed in the care of the child. She turns into a sacrificial mother who compensates for her totally failed situation with her husband. All this is a classic of loneliness, which occurs in every third marriage and which people have not been aware of for years.
You can hide your own feelings as much as you like or argue the situation with the common “we have such a period now,” but it’s more important not to forget that the husband or wife is the only relatives we choose ourselves
And here the comfort zone should acquire completely literal and not negative connotations. There is no need to merge into one being - in adults, adequate people there will always be a place for personal space, own plans and interests. But this feeling that you are not alone (one) - it simply must be. That man is with you and for you. And you will never go forward with a quick step without looking back, if only because you are used to keeping up with the tact and, in principle, it doesn’t matter what happens to you there.
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