How to correctly tell a child about divorce?
Modern statistics show that exactly half of marriages end in divorce. A gap is always a difficult period in the relationship between two people, and if there are children in a family, the question automatically arises - how to tell them that mom and dad break up and will no longer live together.
If up to this point in the family was all right, then the news about the divorce of parents can be not only a blow to the baby, but also seriously injure his fragile psyche. Therefore, to report the news should be carefully, delicately, taking into account the advice of psychologists, in order to further avoid problems of an emotional nature.
What to look for when talking?
If you decide to divorce, then devoting a child to it is necessary only if the gap is a decided and thoughtful matter, and is not a loud statement after a domestic quarrel or petty conflict. Remember that if the collapse of the family is inevitable, only then you can talk about this baby, while not going into unnecessary details and dramatizing the already heated situation.
When talking, be sure to consider the age of your daughter or son. After the older your offspring, the more discussions and explanations will be required. In the event that the baby is less than three years old, then when communicating news it is important to monitor the reaction not only of the baby, but of his own. Because any experience and strong emotions of adults will be necessarily transmitted to others, thereby increasing the level of anxiety and aggravating the situation.
Children over the age of three need a lot more explanations why parents divorce. It is at this age that they tend to perceive the reasons for the separation of adults at their own expense. Therefore, it is important to make it clear to the child that he will be able to communicate freely with both parents, his fault is not in the gap, his mom and dad love him as much and are willing to support him not only in this situation, but also in others.
To the news of the separation was presented more gently, it is desirable the presence of both adults. In addition, you must agree in advance those words that you will tell the baby. Regardless of how men and women at this stage of their life relate to each other, they have a common child, who is now confused, scared and totally dependent on adults.Therefore, a respectful and calm environment is a necessary condition for the preservation of the family microclimate when reporting a break.
How not to do?
Many parents, trying to report a divorce, act impulsively, do not consider the consequences of their actions and as a result make mistakes that could be avoided. Let's look at the most common incorrect actions that can mislead the child and further lead to his psychological trauma.
- Hiding the problem. Even if parents try to behave as before, and also pretend that nothing is happening, children will sooner or later notice the changes that have occurred in the family. Trying to protect your daughter or son in this way, you will only make it worse, as a result, distrust of the world around you will live forever in the soul of the little man and confidence in the closest people will disappear.
- Use common phrases. It is not necessary to devote children to all the subtleties of the relationship between adults and share with them literally all the details that led to the break. But at the same time, it is necessary to avoid phrases such as “we are different people with dad” or “it happens that a man and a woman do not suit each other”.
- Clarification of relationships in front of others.Regardless of the intensity of passions that is present between a husband and wife, one should not express insults to one another and recall past mistakes in the presence of a son or daughter. This behavior only worsens the relationship and traumatizes the psyche.
- Discussion with outsiders. Make sure that when you report news of a divorce, only you and your spouse and children will be present, you should not involve friends and grandparents to discuss. Even the closest people can behave too emotionally and tactlessly, and this behavior will only aggravate the already difficult situation.
- Ignoring the feelings of the baby. Parental divorce is a big stress for children, so it is necessary to support them at this difficult moment. Try to spend more time with them, show interest in their hobbies. But do it delicately, so that your attention is not too intrusive.
Regardless of who will stay with the children after the divorce, you need to make it clear that mom and dad love them as before and are ready to support them at any moment.
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